Welcome to our latest blog post on the differences between traditional sleep training and a holistic sleep coaching approach. For those who prefer a more visual experience, feel free to watch the detailed discussion in our video below.
Many parents are seeking alternatives to traditional sleep training methods, driven by a desire for approaches that align more closely with their values and the needs of their children. But why is this, and why does traditional sleep training fall short?
Let’s first talk about that loaded term sleep training. I appreciate that some people use sleep training as an umbrella term for any type of sleep support, including very gentle options. If you’re a sleep coach or consultant and you do this, then it can be problematic. You see when you google ‘sleep training’ – the hits you’ll get on the first, and probably second and third pages of your internet search will all relate to a non-responsive style of sleep management. This can really put off parents who are absolutely not here for that style of sleep support.
The origins of sleep training
So what does sleep training mean for most people, including me? Sleep training tends to refer to an approach that has its origins in a behavioural style. Behaviourism was popular from about the 1920’s, and its proponents, psychologists like John Watson, believed that observable outward behaviours are created and reinforced by a prior trigger or event. Many behaviourists did not separate animal behaviour from human behaviour, so they believed that the stimulus-response association was present across all mammals.
In the case of sleep, behaviourism states that a child’s waking pattern is created and reinforced by the parent going to the child to soothe, rock or feed them, leading to a pattern of the child expecting that behaviour when they wake up. Behaviourism particularly gathered momentum in the United States and wasn’t quite so popular in Europe, where alternative theories were being developed at the same time.
If this all sounds familiar, it’s because most sleep training principles are based on behaviourism, and therefore, mainstream sleep training usually seeks to stop the parental behaviour (such as rocking, holding, promptly responding or feeding) in order to stop the child waking. But this is where it gets tricky for behaviourism. Because this doesn’t always work does it?
How many times have you heard a parent say that their child falls asleep independently, and yet wakes frequently in the night? And conversely, how many times have you heard a parent say they feed, cuddle or rock to sleep, and their child sleeps all night? I know I’ve observed both these patterns hundreds of times – and I wonder if you have too.
The problem with behaviourism
What behaviourism failed to acknowledge, was the complexity of human thought and the interaction of attachment, innate behaviours, genetics, the impact of the environment and nurture, rational thought, interaction with the world around us, and different capacities for learning. There is no question that human infants can develop preferences for how they want to be held, fed, interacted with or responded to.
But what a behaviourist approach to sleep didn’t acknowledge is that infants are not just a product of stimulus and response, but are also influenced by relationships. It also failed to understand that night waking is not simply a behaviour that can be extinguished, but a human outward expression of the need for connection. Lastly, it did not appreciate the safety aspects of night waking, the biological need for night feeds, or the round-the-clock meaning of attachment and bonding.
How is a holistic sleep coaching approach different?
So, if sleep training is often closely coupled with behaviourism, how is a holistic sleep coaching approach different? Well, holistic sleep coaching is an approach that recognizes the complexity of sleep that is missing from a mainstream sleep training style. Often, with sleep training, the solution is a specific technique that is applied in isolation to a specific sleep problem – such as problematic naps, a protracted bedtime, frequent night wakes, or early rising.
However, a holistic sleep approach considers the multiple layers of influence on a child and their family. It adopts a family-centred approach, respects and values the inherent wisdom of parents about their child, and considers the context and urgency of the situation, while also prioritizing attachment, close loving relationships, bonding and trust. At the same time, it acknowledges biologically normal infant and young child sleep and behaviour and seeks to optimize sleep in an age and developmentally appropriate way, rather than coax children into premature independence that they are not ready for either relationally, or nutritionally,
Holistic sleep coaching also considers a child’s physical and mental health, sensory needs, and sensitivities. It draws heavily on sleep biology and science, is culturally nuanced and mindful of context and the impact of regulation and co-regulation. Sleep coaching is deeply individual since all these factors are variable and specific to each family. It does not prescribe a cookie-cutter approach to addressing sleep problems but rather considers all the factors simultaneously and holistically.
But sleep training has mass appeal. Why? The main techniques of controlled crying, cry it out, pick up put down and the disappearing chair – which all have their roots in behaviorism – are not necessarily easy to execute…. In fact they’re often really difficult and stressful for parents, aren’t they? But although they’re not easy to do, they are simple to explain. They don’t take long to teach or write about. They can be quickly discussed with families without a lot of discussion into the other variables and factors that could also be influencing sleep. They are, in essence, a standalone solution. And that is really appealing for tired and busy parents and sleep trainers alike.
Why choose a holistic approach to sleep consulting?
So why would you reject sleep training and adopt a holistic sleep coaching approach instead? Well, I’m going to suggest 5 reasons:
# 1 – This is what parents want
This is what parents want. Clearly not all parents. But if you’ve been watching the sleep space for a while, you cannot have failed to notice that more and more parents are keen to find solutions that do not involve leaving their young children alone to cry or do things that go against their gut instinct. There is a rapidly growing demand for sleep coaches who are well-trained in the complexities and subtleties of sleep and can support families in a responsive and holistic way.
# 2 – It’s more evidence-based
It is more evidence-based – behaviourism has been largely rejected and heavily criticized for its flaws in understanding and interpretation of human behaviour. Humans behave fundamentally differently from animals, and lumping all mammals together and assuming that we are all driven by the simplistic stimulus-response association ignores the complexity of the human species.
# 3 – More job satisfaction
It’s a more satisfying way to work – enabling you to delve into the nuance and get your thinking cap on. Many holistic sleep coaches enjoy the detective work that goes on to find creative and successful solutions for families that feel like a win-win when sleep is optimized, but responsiveness is not compromised.
# 4- It empowers families with confidence and skills
A Holistic Sleep coaching approach gives families more confidence and broader skills and tools. A mainstream sleep training approach usually only provides a specific sleep tool, whereas holistic sleep coaching is about parent empowerment, learning to understand a much wider range of behavioural and regulatory cues, and building self-efficacy. These are skills for life, rather than just to get over a specific sleep hurdle. Holistic sleep coaching supports the sleep hurdle but also supports parenting and family life more widely. Many parents report satisfaction that goes way beyond just the overcoming of a sleep crisis.
# 5 – An individual, holistic approach to sleep consulting suits children with more complex needs better
It is more appropriate for children with more complex sleep challenges or additional needs and differences. Mainstream sleep training doesn’t always work for children with underlying health, feeding, sensory, or other needs.
It’s not always achievable for families who are struggling with parental mental health challenges as it’s simply too stressful and guilt-inducing. A holistic sleep coaching approach in contrast, unpicks all of these factors and creates a manageable plan that is respectful of the unique strengths and challenges of an individual family.
In conclusion, Holistic sleep coaching is not a catchy mnemonic you can memorise, or a tool you can quickly explain in a social media post. Unlike mainstream sleep training, it requires a really in-depth understanding of the many complex variables that impact sleep, parenting, behaviour and family life. It’s not easy – but it is so worth it, and we’ve seen thousands of families changed for the better because of this style of working.